Dirty Laundry, New Episode Out Now | 2 Parents, 0 Clue, Lots of Therapy

Just One Child Please and Thank You

Just 14 months into this parenting thing, and we already have everyone asking us when baby number 2 will be coming along. When I say everyone, I mean friends, coworkers, family, cashiers, restaurant staff, neighbours, strangers. Find me a person out there and I will find a scenario where they have asked me when I would be having another baby.

So for those now wondering, the answer is no.

I’m nearly certain that I have heard all of the responses imaginable when I, for some really weird reason, shock people with my decision to have one child. It has been as innocent enough as “Oh really?!” Like it’s some outlandish new idea that I’ve just come up with. And goes all the way to  “OH! You say that now! Just you wait (wink wink)!” Thanks so much for your input, dear stranger, but I’m not sure at what point you thought you knew me better than I knew myself, but we’re good. Could I have my coffee now, please?

I will preface that when I thought about having kids, my husband and I did have many conversations about having two kids. However, as we’ve officially dove headfirst into this new world, our perspectives have changed.

At this point, I am positive I have now thought more about NOT having a child than I did about having this one in the first place. I will preface that when I thought about having kids, my husband and I did have many conversations about having two kids. However, as we’ve officially dove headfirst into this new world, our perspectives have changed. I have gone through this long and hard thought process – with my husband, and on my own – and I’ve noticed some things.

The main piece that I have been able to articulate is that when it comes to creating a family, creating life, our society is very quick to disassociate our own personal feelings about what makes up a family and its impact on those affected; each other vs. the rest of their environment. We want more love, more things, bigger houses, bigger adventure, the next vacation, the next milestone. We want to save the world, but we also want it to not come at the cost of having. I understand dreaming big, but does that have to equate to more things, and more people, more more? When do we become content with what we, and the ones we love, have?

In my ongoing battle to live in the now, this is where I am at. I am content.

In my short time in motherhood, I have thought about these concepts and how it ties back to my own body and its ability create another being. As a result I have found that I have gotten to know myself better than I ever realized I could. It’s a crazy perspective, that as you take on the responsibility of caretaker, and your primary job is to keep them alive and to get to know them enough to keep things that way, you get to know yourself better too. You discover that you are more resilient than your self-doubt ever let you believe before.

In my ongoing battle to live in the now, this is where I am at. I am content.

The point of all this is to say that after having my son, I realized that he wiggled (then crawled, then walked) into the crevices of my heart that I never knew existed. I thought my heart was full once before, but he expanding my world larger than imaginable and the idea of going through all these things again, having my heart expand for a second time, is too much for me – I know this now.

I have no doubt that having multiple children is equally fulfilling, and I have no doubt that there are parents out there that will tell me it is doable, the heart does expand, and it is perfection. But through all these lessons of love and more and bigger and next, and saving the world, the one thing I keep coming back to is now, and now is good. The next me is judging that second baby for not sleeping the same way as the first, for not eating the same way, for not laughing the same way and every little up and down in between. I will always compare and contrast the good and the bad. This mentality is not good for my health, for my son, for my husband and especially not for this hypothetical second baby.

I’m good, stop asking.

What cheers me up is thinking that after going through this past year and and a bit, I like that those months were just mine and his. I really enjoy the thought that it’s OUR special time that we had together – never to be replicated. I find sweetness in this concept – a memory that I can’t wait to share with him at a point that he can understand. One when we’re snuggling, or even when he’s mad at me over who knows what! I believe in my new found self that I will relish it all, and it will continue to be perfect.

I would really love for us, as a society, to get to this same point where we are simply just happy for our loved ones with one, two or even five children, and we just leave it at that. At the end of the day, it is their family, and not your opinion. We need to get over thinking about about having more and wishing for bigger things, and happy with what we have in each and every moment. If your happiness includes additional children, I promise that I will be happy for you and I will champion you in every way possible. But in return, I simply require the same, and join me in my happiness, in my contentment with my perfect one.

I’m good, stop asking.

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